How to Make the First Move Without Feeling Awkward
Making the first move in dating can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff—exciting, terrifying, and uncertain all at once. Whether you’re initiating a text, starting a conversation, or suggesting a first date, the fear of rejection or “coming on too strong” often stops people before they even try.
But here’s the truth: making the first move doesn’t have to be awkward or intimidating. In fact, done with authenticity and confidence, it can be downright attractive.
This guide will teach you how to approach someone you’re interested in—online or in person—without overthinking it, losing your cool, or feeling like you’re breaking some invisible rule.
Table of Contents
- Why It Feels So Awkward to Make the First Move
- The Truth: Confidence Beats Perfection Every Time
- 1. Reframe What “Making the First Move” Actually Means
- 2. Use Body Language to Break the Ice First
- 3. Start with a Light, Playful Compliment
- 4. Ask an Open-Ended or Contextual Question
- 5. Use Humor to Disarm the Situation
- 6. Don’t Make It a High-Stakes Moment
- 7. Practice Small Moves That Build Confidence
- FAQs
Why It Feels So Awkward to Make the First Move
Fear of rejection, social conditioning, and perfectionism all contribute to first-move anxiety.
- Rejection: “What if they say no?”
- Fear of embarrassment: “I’ll look desperate.”
- Overthinking: “Is now the right time?”
- Cultural conditioning: Especially for women or introverts, there’s often a belief that they should wait to be approached.
But waiting for someone to make the first move often leads to missed chances and regret. And the University of Kansasfound that most people who take the initiative don’t regret it—even if it doesn’t work out.
The Truth: Confidence Beats Perfection Every Time
You don’t need a pickup line, perfect timing, or movie-level swagger.
What’s attractive is effort, clarity, and warmth.
Being direct—even if slightly nervous—beats being passive and mysterious. Most people appreciate someone taking the initiative, even if the connection doesn’t evolve into something more.
1. Reframe What “Making the First Move” Actually Means
It doesn’t have to mean declaring your undying love.
It can be as simple as:
- Making eye contact
- Saying hi
- Starting a playful conversation
- Sending the first message on a dating app
- Suggesting to meet up casually
You’re not proposing marriage—you’re showing interest. Keep it light.
2. Use Body Language to Break the Ice First
Before words even leave your mouth, your body is already making the first move.
Signals to send:
- Smile (genuine, not forced)
- Eye contact (2–3 seconds at a time)
- Open posture (don’t cross your arms)
- Lean slightly forward when they talk
According to Harvard Business Review, these nonverbal cues can make you appear more confident—even if you’re nervous.
3. Start with a Light, Playful Compliment
Everyone likes to be noticed—but keep it chill.
Examples:
- “That color looks great on you.”
- “You’ve got a really calming voice.”
- “That’s a great laugh—you use it often?”
Avoid anything too forward (“You’re so hot”) or generic (“You look nice”). Specificity makes it sincere.
4. Ask an Open-Ended or Contextual Question
If you’re in person or on an app, context is your best friend.
Instead of:
“Hey”
Try:
“So what made you pick that photo with the mountain? You a big hiker?”
Instead of:
“What do you do?”
Try:
“What’s the most interesting part of your job?”
This leads to conversation, not just small talk.
5. Use Humor to Disarm the Situation
Humor lightens tension and builds rapport quickly.
A few playful starters:
- “I was trying to come up with something cool to say, but then I realized I’d rather just say hi.”
- “So… do you come here often, or are we both just pretending not to people-watch right now?”
- “I promise I’m only 60% awkward in real life—care to test that theory over coffee?”
Even if they don’t laugh, they’ll appreciate the effort.
6. Don’t Make It a High-Stakes Moment
Avoid building the moment up in your head as make-or-break.
Approach each move with:
- Curiosity: “I wonder what this person is like?”
- Playfulness: “Let’s just see where this goes.”
- Detachment from outcome: “If it clicks, great. If not, I tried.”
When your energy is relaxed, people feel more comfortable engaging with you.
7. Practice Small Moves That Build Confidence
Like anything, confidence grows through repetition. Start small:
- Say “hi” to someone new each day
- Give a compliment without expecting a response
- Practice sending the first message on dating apps with no pressure
Over time, you’ll stop viewing it as “a move” and just see it as authentic interaction.
FAQs
Q: What if I get rejected?
A: Rejection is not a reflection of your worth. Most people respect someone who puts themselves out there. It’s a redirection—not a loss.
Q: Should women make the first move?
A: Absolutely. In fact, studies from OkCupid show women who initiate messages get better responses and more compatible matches.
Q: How do I make the first move online without being awkward?
A: Start with a specific compliment or question based on their profile. Be yourself—skip the generic lines.
Q: What if I overthink everything I say?
A: Keep it simple. Think of how you’d talk to a new coworker or friend. You don’t need a script—just a genuine reason to connect.
Q: Is texting first considered making the first move?
A: Yes! And it’s one of the most effective ways to show interest. No one is keeping score—what matters is connection.
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