Signs Your Dating Standards Are Too High (or Too Low)

Everyone has preferences when it comes to dating—but when preferences turn into strict rules or total neglect of red flags, they can sabotage your chances of finding a meaningful relationship. Setting standards is essential, but knowing when they’re too high (or too low) is the key to balance. Let’s break down the signs that your dating bar may need a healthy reset.

1. You Dismiss People After One Minor Flaw

If you’re rejecting people over things like their haircut, a single awkward joke, or their choice of shoes, it could be a sign your standards are too high. As PsychCentral explains, perfectionism in dating is often rooted in fear of vulnerability.

Red flag: You’re more focused on what’s missing than what’s working.

Reset tip: Ask yourself, “Would this really matter in a long-term partnership?” Focus on qualities that actually affect relationship success, like kindness and emotional maturity.

2. You Make Excuses for Disrespectful Behavior

On the flip side, having too-low standards means tolerating behavior that should never be acceptable. If someone ghosts you, puts you down, or constantly cancels plans—and you keep giving them chances—it’s time for a gut check.

According to Healthline, signs of toxic dating behavior can be subtle but damaging over time.

Red flag: You’re more afraid of being alone than being treated poorly.

Reset tip: Create a list of dealbreakers based on your self-respect—not your fear of being single.

3. You Keep Holding Out for a “Type” That’s Not Working

Do you find yourself repeatedly chasing the same kind of person—even though it never works out? Whether it’s the emotionally unavailable “bad boy” or the ultra-successful-but-unavailable exec, rigid types can limit your growth.

A study in Frontiers in Psychology found that we often repeat patterns based on familiar attachment styles, even if they aren’t healthy.

Red flag: You’re dating based on fantasy, not reality.

Reset tip: Be open to people who don’t fit your usual mold. You might be surprised who actually lights you up.

4. You Feel Constantly Let Down by Every Date

If no one seems “good enough,” it might not be about them—it might be about unbalanced expectations. Are you looking for sparks, romance, and deep connection on the first date? That’s a tall order.

According to The Gottman Institute, strong relationships are built—not discovered in a single night.

Red flag: You expect instant fireworks, or you walk away.

Reset tip: Give people a few chances. Chemistry can grow with time and comfort.

5. You Settle for “Good Enough” to Avoid Being Alone

If you’re staying in situations that make you feel unseen or unfulfilled just to have someone, your standards may be too low. Settling leads to long-term dissatisfaction and erodes self-worth.

As Bustle explains, the difference between compromise and settling is how it makes you feel. If you feel like you’re shrinking to fit the relationship—it’s not compromise.

Red flag: You’re convincing yourself it’s fine, even when it’s not.

Reset tip: Trust that it’s better to be single than to be stuck.

Final Thoughts

The healthiest dating standard is one that blends self-respect with open-mindedness. Be clear about your core values and boundaries—but also leave space for the unexpected. People are beautifully imperfect, just like you. And sometimes, love shows up when you stop filtering it out.