Texting Tips That Actually Build Attraction

In the world of modern dating, texting is often the first step toward building a connection—and possibly the biggest reason it fizzles out. While a great conversation can create butterflies, dry or confusing texts can send potential partners running. Want to keep the spark alive through your phone? Here are texting tips that actually build attraction instead of killing it.

1. Start With Something Specific

Generic “hey” texts are forgettable. Instead, grab their attention by being specific and playful. Referencing something from their profile, your last conversation, or a shared interest instantly adds warmth and shows genuine attention.

Example: Instead of “How was your weekend?” try “So… did you survive that hot yoga class you were dreading?”

A report from Hinge shows that messages referencing profile details are 25% more likely to get a response.

2. Mirror Their Energy and Response Time

If they send short, one-word replies hours apart, don’t send back long paragraphs five minutes later. Matching someone’s energy—without overdoing it—helps create natural rhythm and comfort.

Tip: Use the “text like you talk” rule. If the tone would feel awkward face-to-face, it probably feels awkward via text, too.

3. Use Humor—But Keep It Playful

Flirty humor is a major attraction booster, but sarcasm and teasing can easily cross the line if you don’t know each other well yet. According to Psychology Today, humor creates instant rapport and likability.

Go-to move: Try light teasing, puns, or gentle self-deprecating humor. “I just made a dinner so good I might date myself” is more charming than cocky pickup lines.

4. Know When to Use Emojis and GIFs

They’re fun—but overuse can be distracting. A well-placed emoji or GIF can add personality, while a wall of hearts and fire emojis can come off as overcompensating.

Use emojis like seasoning: Just enough to bring flavor—too much ruins the meal. A wink 😉 here and there can help your tone land right.

5. Ask Engaging Questions

If your texts feel like a job interview, you’re doing it wrong. Instead of “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” ask questions that spark imagination or emotion.

Try this instead:

• “If you could teleport anywhere right now, where would you go?”
• “What’s something weird that always makes you laugh?”

According to The Gottman Institute, open-ended questions build connection and intimacy.

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Flirt—Subtly

Flirting builds attraction when done with confidence and restraint. Avoid being overly explicit, especially early on. A compliment or playful hint goes much further than blunt statements.

Example: “I have a strong suspicion you’d beat me at trivia—and I’m oddly into that.”

7. Know When to Take It Offline

Attraction can only build so much through a screen. If the vibe feels right, don’t be afraid to suggest a real-life meetup. Match.com data shows people lose interest if texting drags on without progressing to an actual date.

Smooth move: “I feel like texting isn’t doing your vibe justice. Want to grab coffee this weekend?”

Final Thoughts

Texting can either build excitement or drain it fast—it all depends on how you play the game. By being present, funny, respectful, and intentional, you’ll create real chemistry that carries from your phone to your first date and beyond. Just remember: connection happens in the space between texts—so don’t overthink, just be real.