Top Red Flags to Watch for in the Talking Stage
1. Inconsistent Communication
They text you a lot for a few days, then disappear for a week with no explanation. Then they come back like nothing happened. Sound familiar?
Inconsistent communication is a huge red flag. It often signals:
- Lack of genuine interest
- Emotional unavailability
- A situationship mentality (keeping you around for attention, not connection)
Early relationships thrive on consistency, not chaos. If they’re hot and cold, they’re showing you who they are.
What to do: Call it out kindly. “Hey, I noticed the communication’s been kind of inconsistent — just trying to figure out where we’re at.” If they get defensive or dismissive, that tells you a lot.
2. They Avoid Defining Anything
If you’ve been talking for weeks and every attempt to define things (even lightly) gets dodged with a “let’s just see where it goes,” that’s a red flag.
Yes, it’s early — but someone genuinely interested in you won’t be afraid to communicate intentions. Vague responses often mean they’re keeping their options open or don’t want the responsibility of clarity.
What to do: Ask directly, “What are you looking for right now?” If their answer is evasive, believe them the first time.
3. You Feel Anxious More Than You Feel Secure
The talking stage should be fun, exciting, and a little nerve-wracking — but it shouldn’t feel like emotional whiplash.
If you’re constantly second-guessing:
- Why they haven’t responded
- What that vague message meant
- Whether you’re “too much” for wanting clarity
…then your nervous system might be picking up on inconsistency or emotional avoidance.
What to do: Ask yourself, “Am I enjoying this, or just anxious about where I stand?” If the answer leans toward stress, it’s worth taking a step back.
4. They Love-Bomb You Then Pull Away
Love bombing is when someone comes on super strong in the beginning — showering you with attention, compliments, and promises — then suddenly backs off or ghosts you.
This isn’t romance. It’s emotional manipulation.
People who love-bomb often crave control or validation, not connection. The cycle of intensity followed by withdrawal can create toxic attachment patterns.
What to do: Slow the pace. Healthy connection builds over time, not in a week. If someone moves fast, observe if their actions match their words long-term.
5. They Make Everything About Themselves
You ask how their day was. They go on for 20 minutes. Then the conversation ends — with no return question.
If every interaction revolves around them, their needs, and their stories, that’s a sign they may lack emotional intelligence or interest in you.
What to do: Gently shift the balance. “I love hearing about your day — can I share mine too?” If they still dominate the conversation, take note.
6. You Catch Them in Small Lies
They say they were home last night — but you saw a post showing otherwise. Or they say one thing on Tuesday and something totally different on Thursday.
Little lies often lead to big ones. Dishonesty in the talking stage is a major red flag, even if the lies seem harmless.
What to do: Confront it calmly. “Hey, I noticed something that didn’t quite match up — just wanted to ask about it.” Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
7. They Avoid Vulnerability or Depth
Some people just don’t open up easily — that’s fair. But if every conversation stays on the surface and they dodge anything remotely emotional or real, it may be because they’re not ready (or willing) to go deeper.
This can signal emotional unavailability, which will only frustrate you later if you’re looking for a real connection.
What to do: Ask a gentle, open-ended question like, “What’s something you’ve learned about yourself recently?” If they consistently keep walls up, don’t waste time trying to scale them.
8. They Show Jealousy or Possessiveness Early
Jealousy isn’t cute in the talking stage — it’s controlling.
If someone gets mad that you posted a photo, commented on a friend’s post, or didn’t reply fast enough, that’s a huge red flag for future controlling behavior.
What to do: Set boundaries early. “I’m not comfortable being monitored or questioned — if this continues, I’ll need to take a step back.”
9. You Feel Like You’re Being Tested
Do they flirt one day and ignore you the next? Do they post stories meant to make you jealous? Are they seeing how much you’ll tolerate before you push back?
These are signs of game-playing and emotional immaturity.
What to do: Don’t play back. Respond with calm, clear communication — and walk away if the pattern continues.
10. They Make You Feel Like You Have to Earn Their Time
Someone who’s interested will make time for you — period.
If you feel like you’re always waiting on them, begging for a reply, or proving your worth just to keep the conversation going, that’s a sign they don’t value your presence.
What to do: Flip the script. If someone’s making you chase them before anything even starts, it’s not worth pursuing.
Green Flags That Shouldn’t Be Overlooked
It’s not all doom and red flags. In fact, the absence of red flags is often matched by the presence of green ones. Look for:
- Consistent communication
- Honest, clear intentions
- Listening as much as talking
- Emotional self-awareness
- Respect for your boundaries and time
These are the people worth getting excited about.
How to Exit Gracefully When You Spot a Red Flag
You don’t owe anyone continued access to you — especially if they’re triggering anxiety, confusion, or discomfort. But you also don’t have to ghost.
Here are a few ways to exit the talking stage gracefully:
- “Hey, I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I don’t think we’re aligned in what we’re looking for.”
- “I’ve noticed some patterns that don’t feel great to me, so I’m going to step back for now.”
- “I’m looking for something more emotionally consistent — I wish you the best!”
Short, kind, and honest is always the right path.
Final Thoughts: Trust Your Gut in the Talking Stage
Your instincts are sharper than you think. If something feels off, don’t explain it away. The talking stage isn’t just about connection — it’s about clarity. Pay attention to patterns, not promises. And remember: red flags don’t fade — they usually get brighter.
Protect your energy. Ask the right questions. And always believe that the right connection doesn’t require convincing — it feels clear from the start.
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